Here and now

Where should I begin?.... Oh..right!.. I'm not really feeling ok.

Things are not exactly how I expected them to be... It all tastes bittersweet... Yes.. It starts with C... there it goes.. Can-cer.....Damn it... Now is here.. now it's real... Who is to blame? This is where it makes sense.... yes that saying that goes.. The night gets even darker right before sunrise.... It is really getting darker and darker and I'm trying my very best to keep shinning but it is really tiring... Where should I turn to? I have faith in my heart and I know mom its going to be ok but I wish I could spare her all the pain and sorrow... This is the definite line where men kind becomes helpless.. this is the frontier and miracle land no longer seems a dream. Because I believe.. I believe. Right now i'm in the position where what I want is not possible, but live what I have in front of me is the only option. This is the hardest test ever and sometimes my strength tends to hide and tears come out instead. I believe this is only a transitory phase.. I believe when they say she’s going to be fine.. I believe things will be alright even if I have to reconstruct everything from the very first stone. "Yolan.. you're just avoiding the situation".. "Yolan why is it that nobody can see you crying" This is me asking you to keep your distance and stop asking questions that would only take time from me... I don't need you to tell me how I’m supposed to feel.. to act.. I'm managing one day at the time and doubt would only generate doubt. I picture us like before it all happened... I want to celebrate birthdays and xmas together Can I have that please? I don’t want to lose her and certainly I don't want her to feel week... I need this to happen... I don’t really know how long it's going to take but I know it is happening... Please God please don't take her from me....She’s my rock my stone my inspiration..I´m just a baby and I need my mom..... Please don't take her from me ´cause it would hurt so so so much and I know I can deal with it but I’m not ready to go through it... My heart still aches, my body still aches for those you already took... I still need her direction.. I know there are a lot of things I need to show her, she needs to feel proud and taste the glory of my achievements... Please don't take her...I know I have to accept your plan.. It is already written... I know that you have your reasons but please provide me with the strength I need to help her and support her....

and to you, yes.. you Cancer... YOU¨RE NOT TAKING MY MOTHER AWAY FROM ME!... This is the moment when I'm declaring you the war.. YOU ARE NOT TAKING HER FROM US!.... you may cause her pain, you may cause us all pain, but God is on our side, He’s playing for my team and you're going down!.